Dear Amma,
Here I am, watching you tie my saree for me. 19 years old, and yet, dependent on you to do what you had been capable of, since you were a child. I wonder if Nannamma (Telugu:grandmother) is turning in her grave.
However, since I have begun to wonder, I can’t help but think just how much you’ve influenced me.
Here I am, just a few months short of turning 20, and yet, it doesn’t escape me that I’m only a year away from the age you were, when you got married. I sometimes doubt if I can make a doctor’s appointment by myself- you were expected to raise a family by the time you were 21. Times sure have changed, haven’t they?
There remains no distaste from me for my grandparents; in fact, they have played a pivotal role in my childhood and shaped me into the human that I am today. And yet, I can’t help but wonder- isn’t 21 too young? Or were times like that, where you were expected to take the motherly role on, as soon as your younger brothers were born? Because if I did wonder, then I would have to ponder on all of the times I was given more responsibility than Anna and then I would go down the rabbit hole of hidden-away grief and anger.
Except, if now that the topic has come to grief and anger, I wonder about yours.
21, Amma, 21. You were a child yourself, happy and frolic-y one day, and on your 21st birthday, you were told you would have to get married. When I turn 21, I may expect my first drink from my father. Your father decided to have you become another man’s bride.
I may contest this, by saying that Nanna (Telugu: Father) was a progressive man, who wished for you to complete your education, and live life as per your demands, because it’s true- you’ve seen the world, studied, worked, and lived the life that you’ve wanted to, and are overall, a happy person.
Or are you?
Were you expected to grow up, far before you could experience a childhood? Were you forced to give up on your dreams because they required that you shift cities, and that wouldn’t be allowed, because ‘no self-respecting’ woman would leave her family? Were you taught to put your family’s wishes before your own, and then forced to watch as the men in the house were taught to put their wishes before those of the family’s? And if you were, how many more women like you exist?
Your deprivation of a childhood forced you to ensure that I would be a happy child, and I am. I have independent thoughts and opinions, and I’m aware of my surroundings. I have freedom and the free will to do as I please. But that’s because you could spring away from the clutches of the people who believe in the supremacy of men- and it hits me now- there are multiple women who could never leave.
How many times have I heard of my friends not being allowed to wear t-shirts with quirky captions because their parents were afraid of untoward looks? How many times have I seen girls been given more work to do than their brothers, because boys don’t work? How many times have I seen the effect of misogyny and given no care to it?
But then, I remember- we are trying to make a change. More and more women are seeking financial independence. We’re allowed to live life exactly the way man does- and that thought gives me joy! I am my own person, because of you. I can read, and write, and think for myself. The future isn’t glossy, yet, but us women aren’t going down without a fight.
Happy Women’s Day, amma. Thank you for wanting the best for me, and expecting me to want the same for others. Here I am, getting my saree tied, and I can’t help but be grateful for all of the times you wanted me to be my own human.
It sure is a man’s world. But who said we women don’t make a difference?
With all of the love my heart can muster,
Your beloved daughter
~Ananya Yayavaram (19BEC1275)
